Marjorie Maddox

Swirl

    -after the painting by Anna Lee Hafer

Look closer. This is not a textbook, but a person.
This is not a painting but the poem of someone’s mind,
her mind: new or worse depression.
Beneath the surface of harmonious balance,

this is not a painting but the poem of someone’s mind.
Thoughts about suicide or dying
beneath the surface of harmonious balance.
New or worse irritability, new or worse anxiety,

thoughts about suicide or dying—
phrases that swirl, stick in the waves of brain,
new or worse irritability, new or worse anxiety.
This is not a final exam, but a daughter,

phrases that swirl, stick in the waves of brain,
weeping you can drown in, almost did.
This is not a final exam. This is a daughter,
who slipped beneath the surface, but rose up

from weeping. You almost drowned in it. Did.
Being regretful, being angry, being violent,
she slipped beneath the surface. How to rise up
from depression or other serious mental illness?

Being regretful, being angry, being violent:
anchors tugging on limbs, words. Drowning
from depression and other serious mental illness.
Trouble sleeping, paranoia, reckless behavior—

the heaviest anchors tugging on limbs, words. Drowning,
the surface dark and far away. Where is the light?
Trouble sleeping, paranoia, reckless behavior:
struggling against the waves just to feel something,

the surface dark and far away. Where is the light?
Sudden changes in mood, behaviors, thoughts, or feelings:
Struggling against the waves just to feel something,
acting on sudden impulses. Where is the joy?

Sudden changes in mood, behaviors, thoughts, or feelings:
This is not a final exam, but a daughter
acting on sudden impulses. Where is the joy?
The world is aswirl with fear. Attempts to commit suicide.

This is not a final exam, but a daughter
and her beloved life. Treating depression:
The world is aswirl with fear (attempts to commit suicide)
beneath the surface of harmonious balance.

This is a life of treating depression, both
a painting and a poem— complicated beauty of mind
beneath the surface of harmonious balance.
Look closer. This is not a textbook, but a person.

*Italicized phrases are woven into the painting or are part of the artist’s statement. Many of the phrases originated from a medication’s list of side effects.

Professor of English at Lock Haven University, Marjorie Maddox has published 13 collections of poetry—including Begin with a Question and Heart Speaks, Is Spoken For—What She Was Saying (stories), 4 children’s books. In the Museum of My Daughter’s Mind is forthcoming in 2023. www.marjoriemaddox.com

Anna Lee Hafer, studio artist in the Philadelphia area, has exhibited at Davison Art Gallery and Rochester Contemporary Art Center, with work published or forthcoming in Still Point Arts Quarterly, The MacGuffin, The Penn Review, The Ekphrastic Review, and a forthcoming book from Shanti Arts. www.hafer.work