Yuyuan Huang

Smoke Signal

after “Elegy” by Natasha Trethewey

I think by now the smoke has
            cleared. Early August and

I see it as it is: dew
            glinting on the leaves, fog on

a mirror, choking. That morning,
            quiet and heavy in our silence,

we drove by the lake and found
            each other in the car–you

in the front, I staring back.
            You must remember the condensation

I mistook for burning
            hovering on the surface, or perhaps

the way the words lay thick
            between us like a blanket,

suffocating. All day I was watching
            you and you turned

the back mirror to avert
            my gaze, leather seats rising

in a wall like an illusion. In silence
            we stirred the embers.

Perhaps you recall the time
            you chased me

into my bedroom, blazing,
            and I coughed and

crawled my way
            through the door before the

fumes could swallow me. Because I craved
            the release, I confess,

I thought about the past, refusing
            to be put out–forgotten

medication on the counter,
            fever lost in translation,

our genetic predisposition
            to pain. I imagine you

in that ship, finding refuge in a child
            who is never born,

fleeing disaster like wind, burning
            like you could never stop,

and I know now
            why we are both so afraid

of the warmth of the flame.
            you are an inferno

and I am paralyzed
            in your grip, but still

I try to take it all in, trying
            to understand for you why

you raised this daughter smoldering.
            What does your conflagration

matter if I cannot strike the match,
            light the flare? The spark flees

into the night. You burn me and
            I bury the flame.

Yuyuan Huang is a young poet from the Boston area. Her work has previously been published in the Blue Marble Review, Paper Crane Journal, and the Ice Lolly Review, among others. She has been recognized by the Scholastic Art and Writing Awards since 2020. She is constantly searching for new wonders.